We’ve all had the moment where someone asks the question, “When are you going to have kids?” Depending on the person and the day, we may feel anger, frustration, sadness or uncertainty. Whether the question is expected or it comes as a complete surprise, it’s helpful to think ahead about how we might respond. If you have a partner, it’s also important that you present a united front and are on the same page with what you share and with whom.
Remember, you are in the driver’s seat and you can choose not to respond at all. For those times when you do want to respond, below are some of the best ones we could find. Depending on your mood and the situation, hopefully one or more will work for you.
Shut them Down
- I don’t know. Maybe never. Until then, you should probably stop asking me.
- I’ll let you know when I have an answer. In the meantime, I’m sure there are more important things in your own life that you could be thinking about.
- When you learn to mind your own business.
- Why? Are you finally sick of talking about yours?
- What answer could I give you so that you’ll stop asking?
- I’m sorry, what did you say? Oh, I thought you said something else that’s completely none of your business.
- I don’t know. How did you predict when you’d have yours?
Gracefully Dance Around the Issue
- That’s a really great question. I wish I knew the answer.
- Aww, thank you so much for caring. But I want to know about… (ask them a question about their own life)
- Don’t worry, we’re trying. Hopefully, it will happen eventually.
- Oh, you know, these things sometimes take a little longer than expected. I’m hoping one day soon.
- I’m really not sure. It’s something we’re still trying to figure out.
- When the time is right, it will happen.
- Only God knows, and He hasn’t told me yet.
Good Fun & Humor
- As soon as I figure out how. Got any suggestions?
- When the time is right. My eggs (or sperm) are pretty picky.
- Let me check. How about July 17th, at 8:03am? (Make up your own date and specific time.)
- I already have one. (Then refer to your spouse or someone else)
- I don’t know, but I’m starting my list of baby-sitters now. Can I count you in?
- I don’t know, but if you want to plan my shower, I love________ . (Insert anything you enjoy)
- Well, not at least for another nine months.
- We haven’t gotten past the “trying” part yet.
Simply Turn it Back on Them
- Why do you want to know?
- I’m not sure. What do you think?
- Can I get back to you? How soon do you need to know?
- Did you know that 1 in 6 couples, who desperately want to have a child, struggle with infertility? I’m not going to tell you if I’m one of those people, but maybe you’ll think about how hurtful your question might be to someone who is.
- You know, that’s a really personal question you shouldn’t ask everyone. Some people have a hard time getting pregnant, and questions like that could really make them feel bad about their situation.
- Asking a question like that creates a lot of pressure on me/us. You can’t just snap your fingers and get pregnant, a lot of things have to come together at the right time. Honestly, I can’t tell you when, so please have a little more patience.
- Having a child is one of the most important decisions in life, and making that decision takes a lot of time and thought. I can’t give you a simple answer to such a huge, life changing event.