LIVING WITH FERTILITY AND UNCERTAINTY

By Pamela Madsen, The Fertility Advocate, Guest Blogger

Perhaps the late, great Gilda Radner said it best :

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories
don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the
moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

I think we all want a perfect ending. But in the end the lesson is to learn how to live in delicious ambiguity.  We all get a lot of that when we are trying to have a baby. We never know the outcome.

Our lives become filled with not knowing and having to change, and making the best of what is happening without knowing what is going to happen next. It’s quite the ride.

Here are some tips for living with fertility uncertainty:

  1. Hold on to your intention. You may not know exactly how you are going to create your family, but hold onto your intention that you will one day have one.
  2. What if you imagine the worst? Sounds crazy right? But you know, we all need a disaster plan. Talking about it while you are not in the disaster is a great idea. It’s never good to be in a break down without a plan. It can really help you deal with uncertainty if you know you have a plan if things don’t go your way.
  3. Listen to your body. Are you feeling anxious, hopeful, excited, exhausted, angry or sad? Take the time to feel the emotions that can rise up during uncertainty. Talk about them with a support group, your family or even just journal. Pay attention to your own needs and allow yourself to take advantage of  compassion and self care.

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