One of my favorite quotes of all time, by Pema Chodron, is this:
“You are the sky; everything else—it’s just the weather.”
It is easy to apply this thinking to infertility. You are the sky; the rest is infertility!
I love this quote in the context of infertility because it embodies the notion that we are not what happens to us. We are not the tragedies, or the obstacles, or the challenges that we face each and every day. We are separate from all of that. Just like we are separate from our infertility.
It is ironic that infertility can be as wild as the weather, and as changeable.
One day we can have calm sunny skies and the next day it can be like high winds, with trees crashing around us. We can feel like our very homes are lifting from the grounds and being tossed about. Oh yes, weather can be the perfect metaphor for infertility.
The thing about Pema’s quote is that we need to remember that no matter what the weather is doing, we are the sky. The weather may change around us but we are always here doing our thing in the orbit. We are solid. The weather changes and the storms roll in and out. The sky is resilient—it will still be there when the weather passes.
We can’t really control the weather. Sometimes we can’t even predict it. All we can do is do our best to be prepared for it.
But what if we just allowed ourselves to be in it and then let it pass? You know, just like the sky does?
What if we allowed ourselves to stand in the rain and get wet? Or really enjoy the sunny day?
I think that we spend a lot of time in infertility treatment fighting our feelings and sometimes even the treatment. We can get stuck in sadness and doubt. And we can also pretend that we feel fine! Nothing is wrong. We’re not sad! I am wondering about us practicing to stand in the rain or the sunshine and allowing ourselves to remember that we are the sku and everything else is just the weather.
Feel the weather. And then notice that the weather passes and changes all the time.
It really is just like infertility treatment. Good news happens. Feel it. Disappointment happens. Acknowledge it and allow yourself to grieve. Then be like the earth and allow yourself to release it and move on because new weather is always on the horizon.
Author: Pamela Madsen, The Fertility Advocate, Guest Blogger
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