Men often get lost in fertility treatment. Unless there is a male factor issue, usually the attention is on their partner. They have several big performances to make to supply the other 50% of the baby, but beyond that – not too many people are asking “The Guy” how he’s doing.
The Silent Struggle
So often, men are left to struggle silently and to be strong for their women. This is left over from our more tribal days when men went out to battle and hunt and returned to protect and feed their families. No one tuned in about how “The Guy” was feeling. His duty was to stand by his woman and protect her. I believe that legacy is still around today.
Breaking Male Infertility Stereotypes
But men hurt, too! Infertility has a significant emotional impact on men. The truth is that infertility resides within a couple and hurts both partners. How that emotional impact is felt and expressed may look a little different between women and men, but the fact that infertility breaks hearts doesn’t change between the sexes.
Men can get stuck in the “brave” box. Showing tears, admitting that big holidays hurt, or feeling guilt and grief may seem to them to be a sign of weakness.
The Importance of Acknowledgement
For many men, being a “Daddy” is as important to them as being a “Mommy” is to their wives. Father’s Day may be overlooked as a trigger of that pain because no one thinks of “The Guy” as having feelings of grief around not being a Daddy yet on Father’s Day. While women may receive messages of support and hope around Mother’s Day, the waiting Daddy may receive nothing at all.
Ways to Support the “Someday Dad”
- Ask him how he feels about “Father’s Day”. Sometimes, men have to be invited to share their feelings. Encourage him to talk.
- Does he want to skip family celebrations? Just like we give grace for women to skip “Mother’s Day,” we can do the same for men on Father’s Day too!
- Love him to pieces. Maybe make “Father’s Day” into a day that is all about him! Women are way better at escaping into a spa than men are about escaping into the woods. What does he love to do? Do it!
Remember–no matter how you celebrate or acknowledge Father’s Day this year, there is a Someday Dad in your life. Create the space to listen to him, love on him, and take care of his heart. He may not be as comfortable as you are in expressing himself, but letting him know he has not been forgotten will be your best gift.
