If you’re anything like me, when I was trying to conceive (or TTC as some like to call it), I spent hours on Google reading “natural ways to get pregnant,” watching YouTube videos on how “CoQ10 is a miracle supplement for fertility” and looking up every local fertility clinic’s success rates.
It’s easy to (and almost impossible not to) obsess about why you aren’t getting pregnant. You are not alone, and it’s normal to have racing thoughts, but they can be controlled to some extent.
Consider incorporating a few healthy strategies into your daily routine. This blog is dedicated to exploring ways you can stay positive throughout your fertility journey and maintain good mental health when you and your partner are TTC.
Tips To Maintain A Healthy Mental State
Make a list of the positives.
Literally, write down everything that you are grateful for. If you can stretch yourself, also write down the things you are able to do now without the added responsibility of a new child. Really try to appreciate your life just as it is right now. It may sound cliché, but it really does work. So much of our obsession and sadness comes from the belief that “if only I had a child, my life would be complete.”
Believing that your life is wonderful and is unfolding exactly as it should releases you from being stuck in thinking life will not go on if you don’t get pregnant. This doesn’t mean that you stop hoping for a child, it just means your life is full of other amazing things that you have the time right now to really focus on and appreciate.
Make the day you get your period a celebration!
The day your period comes (or is expected to come) plan something amazing for yourself. It can be getting together with your favorite people for dinner or drinks, going to your favorite restaurant, going to see a good movie, getting a massage, or whatever makes you HAPPY!
Try your best not to discuss the fact that your period came, or if you do, only talk about it in a positive light (i.e., “well, my cycle is predictable and right on time!”) If you can create something else to look forward to on that day, the pain and disappointment will sting a little less.
Channel your inner star power.
Find a song that makes you feel empowered and like the most unstoppable person in the world. Put it on every device you have that plays music. Whenever you need it (waking up for morning monitoring, after a shot, result, or other milestones) play it, sing it, and dance to it.
This may sound and look silly, but if you internalize the words and truly enjoy yourself, you really will feel better. Just give it a try.
Find the words and thoughts that will bring you peace.
Whether it’s inspirational quotes, scripture, a poem, or a line from a movie or song, find physical words that bring peace to your mind. Print them out or write them down. Mediate, read, and internalize them no less than 3 times a day. Memorize them as best you can. Carry them with you. There is something incredibly powerful about consistently focusing your mind on words and thoughts that help you to feel good. Jump to the end of this article for a list of inspirational fertility quotes to get you through your day!
Limit the amount of time you wallow in sadness.
It’s inevitable that you will feel sad and just want to cry. That’s ok. Feel the emotion and be aware of the thoughts that fill your mind. Mourn the fact that your life is not going how you expected it to. Be angry that you don’t yet have something you really want. Just don’t stay there.
When you have your down moments, give yourself no more than 5 minutes at a time to be sad. When the 5 minutes is up, stop immediately and do something else.
If you find yourself sad and upset by the latest posts of your friends’ pregnancies or children, limit your exposure to social media. If you are an avid user, and can’t imagine this reality, then consider adding more control over whose posts appear in your newsfeed. Like or follow pages and people who inspire you and provide tips to help you feel better.
Try to remember that your friend’s growing bump or smiling baby is only one part of their life, just like infertility is only one part of your life.
Re-think your shots.
It’s hard to put infertility out of your mind when you must take daily hormone shots. Try to find ways to make getting your shots more fun or less of a big deal. Play your favorite song, time them during the commercial break of your favorite shows, talk with one of your best friends right after, the goal is to take your shot and move on quickly to something that you really enjoy.
Have sex for the fun of it.
If you have a partner, plan a night of sex that is all about pleasure. Be sure to time it just right not to impact the next semen sample that needs to be provided. In this journey, somewhere along the way, sex evolves to have only one purpose. Try to create intimate experiences that bring passion and fun back to your sex life. For heterosexual couples, try things where the male does not ejaculate inside of the female. Knowing that you are having sex without the goal of pregnancy reduces the “pressure to perform” and can help you better connect to your partner.
Help someone else.
One of the quickest ways to help you stop obsessing over your own pregnancy issues is to be of service to someone else. Volunteer at some worthy organization, participate in a fundraiser, do several random acts of kindness, become a mentor, and reach out to a friend in need.
You have unique gifts, skills, and nurturing qualities that can benefit others. Use and develop them now instead of later.
Stop taking a million pregnancy tests.
Whether you are undergoing infertility treatment or not, most people trying to conceive have taken a pregnancy test, or two hundred. It’s a very predictable set of experiences. You think you’re having pregnancy symptoms; your period is a couple of hours late; you just want to be sure. It can’t hurt to take the test, right? Well, it does hurt, especially when the result is negative.
Sometimes the reality of the negative test can help you feel like you “know for sure” and can help you move on. Other times, it becomes its own obsession that leads you down a road that’s hard to get off. Many people who have become pregnant will tell you the symptoms are the same as getting a period. Don’t let the symptoms drive you to take the test unnecessarily.
Lean on friends and family.
Infertility can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re comfortable talking to your best friend or close family member about the anxiety you’re experiencing it may be cathartic to get your feeling off your chest. Who knows you may even find out that they are TTC themselves and experiencing similar feelings.
Educate yourself.
The old saying “knowledge is power” most definitely applies to fertility treatment. Don’t rely on Dr. Google! Stick with reputable and trusted resources, such as American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s www.reproductivefacts.org. ASRM offers accurate and up-to-date resources on fertility and reproductive health, the latest news, patient advocacy information and FAQs.
Prepare your body and mind.
Sometimes improving your overall health can improve your fertility. Often, when your body feels better, your mind feels better too. When your thoughts start to race in the middle of the night, instead of tossing and turning, get up and do some light exercises or breathing exercises. Your mind won’t be able to race if you’re sleeping and getting a good work out before bed can be just the thing to tire you out.
Inspirational Fertility Quotes
Sometimes the power of hope can help you cope with the anxiety of TTC. Here are a few inspirational quotes that you can read to ease your mind when the thoughts of struggling to conceive become too much.
- “In the garden of life, even the most barren soils can one day bear the sweetest fruits.”
- “Every struggle on the journey to parenthood adds depth to the love you’ll have for your future child.”
- “Remember, the darkest nights produce the brightest stars; your light is coming.”
- “Strength isn’t just about enduring the storm, but also about hoping for the rainbow that follows.”
- “Beneath the hard shell of waiting lies the pearl of your patience, soon to be held in your arms.”
- “Let your hope be stronger than your fear. The path to dreams realized is often lit by the light of perseverance.”
- “Your journey is your story, and every page turned is a step closer to the chapter where you meet your child.”
- “The seeds of tomorrow’s joy are planted in today’s hope.”
- “In the symphony of life, your current silence is just the rest before the beautiful music begins.”
- “Bravery is facing the unknown with a heart full of hope, not certainty.”
- “Even the longest journey begins with a single step, and each step on the path to parenthood is taken with love.”
- “Faith is seeing the light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness.”
- “The most precious flowers bloom in adversity and are nurtured by resilience.”
- “Embrace the journey, for every step forward is a step closer to the miracle of life.”
- “Your worth is not measured by the paths you walk, but by the strength and grace you carry in your heart.
These quotes are meant to provide encouragement and hope to those experiencing infertility, reminding them that they are not alone and that their feelings and struggles are valid.
Infertility Support Groups
Consider joining a support group. They are wonderful sources of support and inspiration. RMA sponsors a private Facebook support group for individuals like you on this sometimes difficult journey. FertiliFriends has nearly 4,000 members, so you are bound to connect with others with experiences similar to yours. It’s by patients, for patients and RMA encourages all new and previous patients to join!
If you prefer in-person support RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association offers peer and professionally-led safe space groups. Use their online tool to find local infertility support in your area. Find a group here.
