It’s hard to focus on romance when sex becomes a scheduled regimen and is wholly focused on one thing: getting pregnant. Add in timed intercourse and ovulation tracking, and there isn’t much time or energy for romance.

Couples sometimes lose sight of what brought them together in the first place when focusing so much on the mental, emotional, and financial impact infertility has on their lives. Nurturing your relationship while facing this challenge should be a top priority.

Sex isn’t the only way to feel connected. Leaving little notes, sending racy text messages, giving your partner a back rub, planning fun dates – showing appreciation with any small gesture can help reignite the spark you once had. It may even lead to “fun sex,” where your mind focuses on having a good time and not getting pregnant.

Here are some suggestions:

Remember what made you fall in love in the first place.

Think about the qualities in your partner that made you fall in love when you first met. What did you two enjoy doing together before you decided to start a family? What were your conversations like? Focus on the love between you, and spend some quality time together. You might even consider writing down all the things you love about one another.

Have a date night.

Date night is a great way to reconnect with your partner and relieve some stress! Keep it light and have some fun. Whether you stay in with take-out and Netflix or plan a night out on the town, date night can be whatever you and your partner enjoy doing together. No matter the plan, try to be present in the moment and put effort into the activity so your partner can feel your love.

Put the infertility talk on hold – if only for one night.

Set some ground rules ahead of time, and try avoiding any fertility talk. Chances are that you and your partner talk about this stressful topic all the time because understandably, it’s what’s on your mind. Although it can be difficult, sometimes taking a breather is needed in order to reset, refocus and have the strength to continue the journey.

Make intimacy fun.

When dealing with infertility, sex can become synonymous with ‘baby-making.’ Try making it less about sex, and more about connecting with your partner, whatever that means for you. For one night, remove the baby-making pressure, be present in the moment, and do what feels good. Maybe that means sex, but maybe not! Maybe it means a massage or cuddling. Find your own way to be intimate and show your partner some affection without the added pressure to conceive.

Practice self-love.

While this holiday often revolves around couples and relationships, it’s just as important to show yourself some love. Take some time to slow down and do something nice for yourself. Take a long, relaxing bath, eat at your favorite restaurant or buy yourself some chocolate and fresh flowers! Be kind to yourself on this day, and every other day.

While coping with infertility, it’s essential to stay connected to your partner. That includes physical and verbal communication, support, and yes – sex!