Holidays can be difficult when you’re struggling with infertility, and Valentine’s Day is no different. The expectations for a perfect, romantic evening are stressful enough for any couple, but can be even harder for those having trouble getting pregnant. Between ovulation tracking, timed intercourse and discussions about fertility treatments like Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), the romance can be hard to keep alive.

This Valentine’s Day, Reproductive Medicine Associates of Southern California (RMA SoCal) wants to help bring the focus back to you and your partner. Why not try removing expectations for what the day is ‘supposed’ to be like, and just aim to be loving and compassionate to one another in a few simple ways.

Here are a few things you can try:

Remember what made you fall in love in the first place.

Think about the qualities in your partner that made you fall in love when you first met. What did you two enjoy doing together before you decided to start a family? What were your conversations like? Focus on the love between you, and spend some quality time together. You might even consider writing down all the things you love about one another.

Have a date night.

Date night is a great way to reconnect with your partner and relieve some stress! Keep it light and have some fun. Whether you stay in with take-out and Netflix, or plan a night out on the town, date night can be whatever you and your partner enjoy doing together. No matter the plan, try to be present in the moment and put effort into the activity so your partner can feel your love.

Put the infertility talk on hold – if only for one night.

Set some ground rules ahead of time, and try avoiding any fertility talk. Chances are that you and your partner talk about this stressful topic all the time because understandably, it’s what’s on your mind. Although it can be difficult, sometimes taking a breather is needed in order to reset, refocus and have the strength to continue the journey.

Make intimacy fun.

When dealing with infertility, sex can become synonymous with ‘baby-making.’ This Valentine’s Day, try making it less about sex, and more about connecting with your partner, whatever that means for you. For one night, remove the baby-making pressure, be present in the moment, and do what feels good. Maybe that means sex, but maybe not! Maybe it means a massage or cuddling. Find your own way to be intimate and show your partner some affection without the added pressure to conceive.

Practice self-love.

While this holiday often revolves around couples and relationships, it’s just as important to show yourself some love. Take some time to slow down and do something nice for yourself. Take a long, relaxing bath, eat at your favorite restaurant or buy yourself some chocolate and fresh flowers! Be kind to yourself on this day, and every other day.


If and when you are ready to learn more about your options for infertility treatment, please call us at 424-293-8841 or contact us here.